Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Vivid dreams about heartbreak

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As if reliving every blow to my ego in the interest of creating compelling characters and situations while I'm awake wasn't enough, I seem to be dealing with the same issues while I sleep too. I never got total closure from the guy who broke my heart. I'm not sure what counts as enough for that. Maybe there is no such thing. Sometimes, I wish I had some magic ritual that would work. Maybe I should have tried smudging or burned everything I'd ever worn in his presence. It wouldn't have been hard. I was working with a very limited wardrobe at the time.

When I broke up with my first real boyfriend, I read Exorcising Your Ex. That book had terrific advice on how to deal with awkward mementos of a relationship gone wrong like pictures where you look good, but he's in them, or what to do with engagement rings (hock 'em).

How do you deal with someone who ripped your heart out of your chest and stepped on it? Someone you had to see every day after that? Someone who believed a total ass over you because he was too immature to face the reality that friends can keep dark secrets from the people who are closest to them? It sucked then and sometimes it still sucks.

So, Mr. Wonderful, wherever you happen to be, ignoring me in your usual way, thank you so much for all the misery. I mean it. It's very inspiring and has been the meat of many drunken conversations. Also, thank you for showing me so much about what it truly means to be an asshole.