Saturday, December 10, 2011

Dick Flicks: What is it about Liam Neeson and John Cusack?

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Before I go on, I want to clarify that I also have lots of love for Liam Neeson and John Cusack, but it's easy to understand why. They're both attractive men and I'm a heterosexual woman, but why is my husband and almost every other guy I meet so melty when it comes to these guys and their movies? I mean, since when is Say Anything or Grosse Point Blank what you think of as a man's movie (aka "dick flick")? 
At least with Liam Neeson, I sort of get why guys get so excited about his movies. He kicks lots of ass and takes names. Every new bad guy brings out some special ability he has that nobody knew about before. Amazing! Still, I don't understand the way that a movie like Taken is like the male equivalent of Beaches. If you don't believe me, ask a few guys what they think of that movie. It's like seeing a cat with a brand new catnip filled toy---they're eyeballs kind of roll into the back of their heads with joy, but why? What's soothing about a father going on an international rescue mission to save his daughter and her idiot friend from a prostitution ring?
I guess these are things I just will never understand about men. They go in the same category as the mystery of why they like to pee in strange places (e.g. on the bathroom floor, the sink, outside, flower pots, etc.) Still, I promised a post on "man movies" in my previous post, and I didn't want to disappoint. If you have a special guy in your life that would prefer a movie to a book this holiday season, try one of these:

  • Taken
  • Unknown: Another Liam Neeson movie. The soothing effect isn't quite as powerful, but it's still very guy-friendly.
  • The Sure Thing: This early John Cusack flick seems stupid based on the summary and the horrible 80's cover art, but don't let any of that fool you. It's actually a really sweet and guy-friendly romantic comedy/road movie. I don't know why guys are willing to tolerate it. I guess that just goes to show the power of John Cusack.
  • Say Anything: Okay, this is an easy one--just what every guy wants to believe, that he too can win over the goddess at his high school with nothing more than a few nice words and a boom box.
  • Bad Boys and Bad Boys II: This is a departure from the John Cusack/Liam Neeson superpower, but Will Smith seems to have a similar effect on the burly sex.
  • The Big Lebowski: The appeal of this one is kind of lost on me. Very little happens and again, we don't have the John Cusack/Liam Neeson going on. My guess is it must be really entertaining if you're a guy and just got stoned.
  • Scarface: Michelle Pfeifer is really young and beautiful and they can use it as an excuse to run around the house saying, "Say hello to my leeetle friend." On second thought, if this is missing from your boy chick's movie collection, maybe that's a good thing.
  • The Godfather: again, most of what I said about Scarface applies here. Yes, I know, this is a huge contribution to American cinema and all that jazz, but it's really freakin' long. Also, it's still a trilogy of dick flicks.
  • High Fidelity: Wow, where to start with this one. First, it's based on a Nick Hornby book, and he is sort of like king of dick lit. Second, it's a bit like an updated Say Anything for people who saw Say Anything as kids or teens. Plot summary: if you cheat on your girlfriend after you get her pregnant, be sure to make her a nice mixed tape after.