A Few Thoughts About Courage

I haven't seen Oz: The Great and Powerful, but I can definitely get behind the craze for emerald eyeshadow that it has touched off. My hairdresser just added a red tint to my hair, so this should work-out great. Anyway, let's take a moment to consider the Cowardly Lion from Frank L. Baum's original work, as well as the various film and theater interpretations. Even though the lion performs many brave deeds in spite of how frightened he is, he considers himself a coward up to the end of the story. He does not realize that true courage is being afraid and continuing on anyway. In my family, and certain circles of friends, there's this idea that I'm brave and courageous, but like the lion, I walk around every day feeling self conscious of how frightening everything is.

Review: The Scoop on Breasts: A Plastic Surgeon Busts the Myths

The Scoop on Breasts: A Plastic Surgeon Busts the Myths by Ted Eisenberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Sometimes a random book on NetGalley calls out to me, and The Scoop on Breasts: A Plastic Surgeon Busts the Myths was one of those books. I'm not sure if it drew me in due to the so-wrong-it's-right nature given that I just started as a guest blogger on a
feminist blog or if girls like boys are drawn to boobies. Personal disclosure alert: my breasts are the only feature on my body that I'm reasonably happy with, so no, I am not considering cosmetic surgery on those. I tried to convince one doctor to say I needed a nose job, but he insisted that everything on the outside was perfect---the inside is another story. I think he may have been talking about more than my nose, but I digress.

Reflections on PPWC's 21st conference: Fumbling Toward Normalcy

The Pikes Peak Writers Conference is celebrating its 21st meeting this year with the theme "Writing From the Ashes" in recognition the Waldo Canyon Fire's impact on the area. For anyone who doesn't want to click on the Wikipedia link, this extraordinarily hot fire destroyed 346 homes, killed two people, and injured at least six. Given that writers often feel we are picking ourselves up and starting from nothing as we go from project to project and rejection to rejection, writing from the ashes is an apt metaphor for the process, and this year's crowd seems to be embracing it. Mystery author Barbara Nickless opened the conference with a strong keynote over lunch today. She and her husband lost their home to the Waldo Canyon Fire, and while it has been challenging to acknowledge that loss and move on, she concluded that overall, it's a worthwhile process. She would not give up the ability to feel fear and pain to have a life where nothing bothered her. I revisited this theme with three other writers in the bar and the conversation took an interesting turn.

Eat me! I'm hot sticky sweet: or Why we can't talk about sex unless it's for sale

Watch out! She might corrupt someone.

As usual, I'm probably overreacting, but four issues I have strong feelings about collided within two weeks and I need to get this out there before I move on. So what happened?

1. Censorship: a bunch of administrators [who need to retire] shut down their award winning school newspaper at a community college in New Mexico because they published an issue on sex. Mind you, it's fine to talk about saving fetuses in political debates and even sneaking up on men taking "the wide stance" in the bathroom, but talking about ways to have safe sex or better sex is taboo. Oh yeah. That makes sense . . . TO NOBODY. Also, I know this comes as a shock to some, but even at a community college, the students are adults. They can smoke. They're probably already having sex; a lot of them already have children, and I think most of us know that it doesn't just happen because two people love each other very much. To their credit, someone on the staff grew a brain and the paper re-opened the next day.
2. Stunned reaction to a documentary about sexual assault. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I work on a college campus in a counseling center, and many of the young women I meet with have been sexually assaulted. Sadly, many of them don't even realize that is what happened to them. They know something went wrong, but don't have a way of understanding it. I guess that some people are more comfortable with leaving those who could prevent these crimes from occurring in the dark, so they can keep happening, and keep the victims feeling like freaks. I'm not okay with that.
3. Someone freaked-out about a tiny and out of focus boob in a picture on a flyer that was also posted on a college campus. By the way, nobody noticed this boob for three months. This brings to mind something Jean Brodie said, "I do not . . . influence [my students] to look for slime where it does not exist!" I mean, it was almost impossible to see and it was a breast. Someone needs to grow up.
4. The same professors who were bothered by the sexual assault topic seemed to think domestic violence is less disturbing.

You know what else puzzles me? A lot of people watch the Super Bowl (around 108.4 million people watched Super Bowl 2013 from their living rooms.) Most of those viewers end up talking about the commercials more than the game. You know what's featured in most of these commercials? Sex. Explicit sex? No. Objectification of women? You bet. Cleavage? Check. I am a feminist and I probably should be more upset by all of this, but I don't see the Super Bowl as an evil I need to combat, but I can think of reasons to rethink that position:

• Enough people call out "sick" on the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday that some employers are using it as an excuse to complain that FMLA creates a slacker culture where employees take advantage of all that generous unpaid leave.
• Electronics stores have implemented special return policies for big screen TVs purchased in the weeks leading up to Super Bowl Sunday because people get so obnoxious about their game parties that they will buy a big screen TV, use it for the party, and try to return it for a full refund even after their cousin poured his Pabst into it.

You know, compared to all of that, talking about sex for an hour seems so wholesome, especially if it might save someone's life.

So, just to be clear: sexual assault and rape are terrible crimes, but they aren't dirty words, and domestic violence isn't "nicer" because it happens between married people [which isn't even always the case.] Selling a woman's body is usually referred to as prostitution, but I guess that's okay as long as it's on TV and it's in the name of convincing someone to buy a Mercedes or a Fiat.

To the Teenage Daughter I'll Never Have

Yes, I know this may seem strange and maybe a little depressing, but I suspect that it's probably better for everyone if I don't have kids. That doesn't mean I'm not entitled to my own opinions about what I think some of them need to hear/read. Maybe this post will infuriate enough people to get some zippy comments ;-)

Dear almost-grown-up-person,

Let's start with the obvious: you know more than I ever will. I get that. If you carry a baby around inside your body for 9 months and have that kid peck you to death for 18 years, you will be as clueless as me. Maybe you'll see, maybe you won't. The good news is, at least for now, we have some choices, and I know you'll make the one that's right for you because whatever decision you make is the right decision---it just might take me, you know, 10 years or so to openly accept it. You know me: I'm always full of advice. Actually, you usually say I'm full of something else. I admit it: I've been listening-in on your phone calls, but it's for your own good so that makes it okay.

Now, I'd like to give you those tips you claim I've withheld from you every time you asked me for my "real" opinion. I've categorized them for easy-reference:

How to Get Boys to Like You

• Wear what you want to wear because you love it and it makes you happy.
• Be passionate about what you do and do what you're passionate about.
• Put your real friends first and don't abandon them when they need you.
• Don't compromise your beliefs and values to make yourself "more attractive."
• Sherlock is right, "Brainy is the new sexy." Translation: don't act like a bimbo.
• Don't play hard to get; be so involved in living your life and pursuing your interests that you don't force a guy you like into being the be-all-end-all of your existence. Sure, he may act resentful, but he really admires you for it--really, he does; men hate to show their true feelings.
• Cry in private for the first few months. Tears weird them out.
• Write him little notes; just, you know, nothing creepy.
• Cookies
• Agree to disagree
• Listen when he talks, and say something when you speak.
• Have the courage to admit to what frightens you.
• Always be true to yourself. If you can't do that, he will never believe you can be true to someone else.

Girly Issues

• Menstruation isn't a beautiful part of being a woman; it just sucks. Sorry I lied to you when you first mentioned it to me. I really was trying to be positive.
• You know that new HPV vaccine: do it, and do it before you "do it."
• Advil and a microwaved hot pack are mandatory equipment; and chocolate, and spa gift cards, and a girl friend who will pat you on the back while you cry during sappy commercials.
• Don't shop when Aunt Flow comes to visit; you'll only think everything makes you look pimply and fat.

Dieting

• Eat less, move more & snack healthy

Stain Removal

• Wear black
• If you can't always wear black, stay away from people who don't live off of clear food.
• If you get something red or brown on a light colored article of clothing, run to the nearest bathroom, take it off and drench it with water. Can't do it? Pretend the spot is part of your look, and burn the clothes when you get home because that shit isn't coming out.

School

• Grades are more important than boys and sex; really, they are. Ace everything now, and you'll have eligible bachelors wrapped around your block begging you to support them in the lifestyle to which they'd like to become accustomed.
• Ask questions. If you have a sexist asshole for a teacher, ask why they aren't calling on girls.
• Go to the college you want to attend. You're 18. Everyone else can go screw.
• What to look for in a college:
• Small classes
• Courses and majors you are interested in
• Extracurricular activities you like
• Know that everyone in college is trying really hard to be an adult and probably failing at it. Accept that most of the people you meet will be doing this for the rest of their lives.
• Challenge yourself when it matters to you. When it doesn't matter, let it go.

Life

• If your gut is telling you something is wrong, listen to it. Your gut doesn't need to feel popular. It just knows things.
• We all have needs. If you need a fling, have a fling---but use a condom. If you need a drink, have one, but drink water too. It's all about balance: keep your inner hedonist happy, but stay alive to enjoy the happy.
• Whatever it is, you'll be okay. Yeah, I know, I know, I told you never can promise everything will be okay. Well, I can't promise that everything will be okay, but whatever happens, you'll handle it. Some things you will handle better than others, but like I said before, it's all about balance.
• Don't live anywhere that doesn't allow pets. Only Fascists don't allow pets.

Disclaimer: remember, I don't really know anything.

Love, hugs and embarrassing kisses!

Review: Wonder Woman, Vol.4: The Circle, Intro. by Mercedes Lackey

Wonder Woman, Vol. 4: The Circle by Gail Simone
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When it comes to comics and me, I have to admit that I tend to lean more toward the deep artsy stuff like Stitches, Fun Home, or Persepolis; or even the dark yet more episodic Vertigo comics like Human Target(interestingly, I just found out that Human Target is actually a DC Comic under the Vertigo imprint--publishing is such fun.) Anyway, you get the point: The Justice League is not usually what I grab first when I'm in the mood for graphic novels or comics. However, I know Temperance Brennan from Bones loves Wonder Woman, and I've been hearing a lot about this Amazon in other circles lately, so I decided to give her a try. I combed the web for information about the best Wonder Woman comics out there and Wonder Woman, Vol. 4: The Circle was the right balance of being highly rated and available.

Like Superman's alter ego Clark Kent, Wonder Woman has an alter ego, Diana Prince, but Diana is more than just a safe front for Wonder Woman in the "real world." The Circle focuses on Wonder Woman's origin story than on her present life, so we don't see much of Diana, but we do get some satisfying action with Nazis having their asses handed to them.

I can't say that this is my absolute favorite read in comics, but I think Wonder Woman may grow on me over time. If you want to get to know her better, this is a good place to start. Also, fantasy fans will probably appreciate Mercedes Lackey's introduction.

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